Phew, that is not a title I thought I would be writing anytime soon. Let’s start at the beginning so you can understand the motivation behind this post and the severity of the situation. When I first joined Snapchat, I announced the launch of the platform on my blog, Instagram, and Facebook page, and I was really excited about it because I had heard it was a great interactive platform. I decided to keep the account public and allow people to send me snaps even if I wasn’t following them. Not even 50 followers in, I got sent my first dick pic. There I was breathing in heavenly oxygen and I see this erect penis on my screen. I literally yelped and almost died of disgust; I swear my legs started cementing themselves together out of fright. After receiving my fourth dick pic I decided to put my account on private to save my fucking eyesight from further onslaught.
Fast forward to 48 hours ago… I decided to put my account back on public. I love interacting with fellow travellers on Instagram through the new stories so I thought it would be a good idea to open up Snapchat again. The first three snaps I opened were all dick pics. I screamed so loudly Lorde Archibald leapt off my lap in fright and refused to calm down until a significant amount of tuna was offered. Are you kidding me? What the actual FUCK. Picture it for a second, I’m expecting to open a travel snap or similar and I’m met with the erect penis of someone who doesn’t believe in grooming for shit. If I were 10 years older I would’ve had a heart attack.
I sent a hysterical voice note to my friends screaming my disgust at the human race and then I took to Snapchat to further explain my shock and horror. After blocking the owners of dick 1, 2 & 3, I sat and thought how other girls would react. Would they like it? Would anyone actually like it? Would they be turned on? The senders need to be educated! Immediately.
Here are my thoughts on why a dick pic won’t work:
- When people talk about the element of surprise, they are never talking about this. To get shocked by an unwanted snake when you’re passing the time on Social Media will result in screams of ZERO pleasure.
- Your dick is ugly. I personally feel that you fall in love with the man, not the dick. Unless it has magical powers. Face before dick, it won’t work the other way around.
- You are making us feel like worthless sluts. There is no winning in a reaction to a dick pic, if you’re excited by it; it means you’re a slut. If you’re disgusted by it, it will probably ruin your day and scar you for life.
- As far as first impressions go, Donald Trump has more of a shot than you do.
So please, unless I ask for one… keep that snake out of sight.
To end off, be safe and use protection – you never know where it’s been and who’s been unfortunate enough to see it.
BTW my Snapchat is on public now, so please say hi and NO dick pics!!!! 😉 Snapchat – tam_lamb