This won’t be a long post, it’s literally the brain fart to end all brain farts, but I really want to shed some light on dealing with insecurities. As a female, I’ve personally felt the need to be perfect. To fix my ‘broken’ areas and blend into a sea of copycats. I’ve felt this pressure my entire young adult life and I continue to feel it on a daily basis. The older I get, the more comfortable I am with my body and her quirks, so there’s a bite of happiness that sends a thrill down my spine every time I cast a cursory glance in the mirror.
Where do insecurities come from?
I personally feel that teasing is a form of bullying and I am strongly against it. For flirting purposes or to ‘have a laugh’, teasing markets itself as comic relief but in actual fact does more damage than good. You ask anyone where their insecurities started and most will tell you the foundation is based off some teasing encounter with a friend, love interest or even a family member.
I understand there are always exceptions to the rule, some people can see past it and some families just operate that way with no consequences. You need to know your audience, yet most completely miss the mark, firing random teasing jokes and never knowing the damage they may cause. I’m sensing the eye rolls and ‘can’t you take a joke’ comments, and no, sometimes people can’t because what you’re saying isn’t a joke to them and you’re completely ignorant to that fact.
My personal insecurities
My pointy nose: At school, people would comment on how pointy my nose was and often take the piss out of it. It would always garner a laugh and I would try giggle along like a good sport. This extended into adulthood and finally, I wouldn’t allow any photos to be taken of my side profile or any angle that would make my nose look pointy. It wasn’t until a new friend commented on how beautifully straight my nose was that I finally came to terms with it and allowed pictures to be taken of my pointiness:
People will think ‘there’s nothing wrong with her nose?’ and you’re quite right, there is NOTHING wrong with it. So why have I been worried about it all my adult life? Because a few people were either trying to flirt or take me down a peg or two and made fun of me for the sake of enjoyment. What resulted was ten years of thinking I had a terrible nose and obsessing over it in the mirror for hours.
My ‘massive’ shoulders: I was a swimmer and then I played water polo, so yes dammit, years of athleticism resulted in me having bigger than average shoulders. The constant teasing and ‘man shoulder’ comments led to me not allow pictures to be taken of my back for YEARS. I would see a photo of me from behind and all I could see were these hideous shoulders of mine. Yoga helped me here, I learnt that my big shoulders gave me strength and allowed me to support my body effortlessly. They represent my strength and I even like my shoulders these days… I can pick up some heavy shit for a girl!
My goal for this post is to create awareness and hope that people may take a second to be more present before passing comments that could lead to future insecurities. Let us be kind to one another and realise that life is pretty tough already – we want our friends and family to feel better, not worse, from our company.
Be kind, always.