Thoughts from the sky… What I think about in an airplane!

August 3, 2017
airplane

I’m writing this high in the clouds (without the help from my cannabis oil) and it’s so strange to think that I’m beyond petrified and yet I willingly put myself in these situations time and time again. Nut job. You really are, Lamb.

These are my thoughts from the sky coming to you live from the airplane:

Please don’t fall out the sky

This is a ridiculous fear, I know, but it’s one that repeats itself over and over again in my mind. The fear is that the plane’s engines will fail, the nose will tip to the ground and we will just hurtle towards earth. This is what I’m thinking about – right now.

Who the fuck keeps farting?  

I understand that your breakfast was a bit rich, but for the love of God please stop releasing these toxic gasses. There’s a 2-year-old next to me and he doesn’t like your smells either.

Speaking of that 2-year-old…

I would have kids if they were as good as you, little blonde cutie. To the spawn of Satan three rows in front, you, on the other hand, can eat your own poop you literal anti-Christ.

That food looks nasty

When you go to Starbucks or some cafés, the sandwiches are a day old and still taste good. Why the fuck does airplane food look like it’s the reject pile from an off-license?

How many layers of makeup is the air-hostess wearing?

Does she even have pores? I didn’t have time to brush my hair this morning and this chick is here looking like she’s got a full Glam Team on standby.

How do these hostesses have so much chill?

Corporate Barbie in front of me just ordered room temperature water with ice and then complained the water was too cold. I snorted when she made this declaration and now she’s reclined her seat. Well played… I can smell your fake town so much worse now… pleasant.

Where does everyone’s poop go?  

That suction is so strong… visions of it flying into the air are so real.

Turn off your FUCKING cell phones!

The air-hostess has never before seen the trick of ‘totes turning my mobile off’… Yeah. You’re a twat.

That bag is not gonna fit in the overhead compartment

“I totally measured the bag in the thingy thing…” Lies. I know you’re lying and the hostess knows you’re lying – but let’s have this chat for 20 minutes delaying us further.

STAY FUCKING SEATED

“Please stay seated until the seatbelt sign has been switched off and the plane has come to a complete stop.” – Done by no one ever.

airplanes

The face I make when I’m seeing stupid people on airplanes….

Alright, I’ll stop there before I become completely vicious and out of hand. Let’s all take a moment (actually, just me) and realize that planes suck and us humans are shit to each other.

Let’s walk away from this blog post with positive intentions to treat the staff and our fellow passengers with more respect and LOVE. We’re all in this together!

Say HELLO on Facebook and Instagram 🙂

Love from,

Lamb xx

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4 Comments

  • Reply Carolyn August 3, 2017 at 12:12

    Hahahaha. I have only flown once. Crazy I know. But yeah, those rambling thoughts are insane. In my case… convinced I am going to die. And are these the people I want to have my last few min with? Funny you.

    • Reply tammylambson August 3, 2017 at 15:35

      hahahaha I always think I’m on an episode of Lost and these will be my fellow island mates. Who will die first?! Bladdy crazy.

  • Reply Zandri blom August 4, 2017 at 16:44

    May I just say that as an air hostess, this article brought such a smile on my dial and is totally on point!! 😄 Also, I thought I’d provide a bit more information on some of these aviation mysteries on your mind. 😉

    1. Planes can actually land with full engine failure!! Scenarios that are more stressful for pilots to handle is an extreme medical case than needs diversion or possible fire on board caused by smokers trying all the creative ways to smoke in lavatory, thinking we don’t know them all.. 😉

    2. The chill factor… probably the most important character trait required for the job. Needed for stressful scenarios or just dealing with people in general…However don’t be fooled, sometimes when we flash that glamourous smile, we are actually crying or raging inside. But the good thing about the job is you never take your work stress home, when you leave that aircraft you will probably never see the people again and your time is your own!

    3. The flying poop…😄😄😄 aircrafts have massive septic tanks where toilet contents are stored, chcemically treated and disposed off on ground. The water from basins however get “dumped” while we fly.

    4. Oversized bags- one of our biggest headaches!! I honestly don’t get why people need to travel with the total contents of their homes and half of Duty Free as carry on baggage! Check that shit in… I just returned from a flight last night where we managed to make some space in the galley for a massive purple bag, a huge guitar and a red kiddies tricycle. I had to smile at the site.

    I’ve been flying with an international airline for just over a year now. And honestly the biggest lesson I’ve learned is to be surprised by nothing… and don’t assume anything!😄 If I had to start talking about the things I’ve seen on board, you would think I’m making it up…

    Happy traveling and keep writing!
    Xxx

    • Reply tammylambson August 4, 2017 at 19:00

      Hahahaa thanks SO much for your comment! Definitely brightened up my Friday evening 🙂 You guys are made are stronger stuff than I 😉 xx

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