I don’t judge what I don’t know or have never experienced. I’ve been very tight-lipped on the whole online dating thing when it’s brought up in conversation. I don’t comment on what I don’t know even when it doesn’t sound appealing to me… And online dating seemed about as appealing as a colonoscopy. I’m not in the market for a partner, I’m way too happy on my own right now, but I’m never gonna say no to Mr Right. He’s going to be legit. One day.
I understood the premise of Tinder and that you see the human and then you say yes or no. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. You can check out their bio and stuffs but initially, the face is what you see. I’m gonna put this down to my old-age but, looks really don’t do it for me anymore. I think once you start to see someone significantly age you realize how temporary it is. Honestly, hot guys with zero substance don’t do it for me at all. Yeah, they’re pretty – but so is a pizza with lots of cheese on it. At least I know the pizza will bring me guaranteed happiness for a night… Guys on the other hand… not always guaranteed.
So, before I even learnt more about Tinder I was against it. If I was 25, it would probably be another story, but the lack of shallow vibes in my current life just didn’t find it that appealing.
As a blogger, I thought it was my duty to sniff out the situation and see what all the fuss was about. I gave myself the weekend on it and decided I’d go on one date to really see if Tinder was all it was cracked up to be. I’m in South Korea where the population of expats is sitting at around 1%, so it’s slim pickings at the best of times. Koreans are beyond gorgeous but the language barrier really breaks my heart. Not to be deterred, I downloaded the app and set up my profile. I connected my Instagram account without thinking and put a bang-average photo of me as the main photo. I don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up and I believe a true depiction of reality was my safest option.
Let’s get swiping! My first time on Tinder
This face pops up on my phone and I immediately froze. What in the fuck am I meant to do now? I literally greeted him verbally because I felt like we were looking face-to-face. Now what? When I learnt that I could simply swipe a ‘yes or no’ I instantly faced a mini-meltdown. What gives me the right to say no to this gentleman? What did he ever do to me?
I’d seen an article about this part and it said, “Ask yourself – would you want to see him again?” My answer in regards to this gentleman was… no. Good god, would I have to reject him? Yes. Him and lots of others. I just kept looking at them and finding something I didn’t like about any of them. Honestly, I felt like shit through the entire process. I just couldn’t connect to any of them; I would just look at think “I don’t know what type of person you are.” Once the hilarity/initial shock of what I was doing wore off, I just felt like a judgmental bitch and decided to say yes to some. It was also at this time that I got around a dozen DMs on my Instagram page because I’d synced it up to my Tinder – big mistake. Huge.
OK… I’ll swipe yes.
Understand that at this stage, because it was my first time on Tinder, I didn’t really know what a ‘match’ was. So, when I finally said yes and got a match – I hadn’t yet realized that he could now message me. PING.
“You’re so gorgeous I’m just going to skip the pick-up line and ask you to dinner.”
That is a pick-up line, no? I didn’t feel any sort of swell in my ego or ‘dust off my shoulder’ moment. I felt like a 50-year-old woman scolding this person with a ‘you don’t even know who I am?!’
Is this safe?
Looking back at it now, I realize that I was being beyond ridiculous but this entire concept was just way too new for me. I got asked out on a couple of dates, but none of them wanted to get to know me first. It was just a ‘you look nice, let’s date.’ I can’t judge them because I feel that that’s the way the app is built.
Why I’m too old school for Tinder
Even if your friend sets you up – they can kinda judge the two people and whether they would get on or not. They can match them based on interests and such. Tinder doesn’t do that and I honestly think that’s why there are far more nightmares than success stories. And yes, those Instagram pages on Tinder Nightmares are hilarious, but they also cringe to read.
Your ego would become unbelievably fragile
Being constantly rejected or left on read multiple times a day will do something to your ego. You’d become quick to bounce between partners and chat with multiple people at the same time. The ‘special’ aspect would just fizzle after a while and it would become very transactional. Like picking out a shirt, you like it initially, you purchase it but after trying it on once you just put it back on the shelf and continue browsing. That doesn’t work for me and I think I know why.
I’ve never been one to instantly fall for someone or see him once to completely fall in lust. I need more. I need to see them interact with people and find out a bit more about them. Then and only then will an interest form. That’s why Tinder just did not work for me because I would never give anyone a chance. The whole thing just sounded crazy to me because I held zero interest towards these men and the thought of actually going on a date with one of them skyrocketed my anxiety.
So, I never went on a date and after three days, happily deleted the app. I do not judge anyone for using Tinder or finding love (or lust) on it. It’s just not for me and I couldn’t possibly continue using it. I don’t regret my little experiment because it cemented my suspicion that online dating is not for me and I’ve learnt more about myself through it.
If you’ve found love on Tinder, congratulations, but I’ve discovered that it’s not for everyone and people need to stop pushing people to go on it when they’ve been single for a length of time. Dating is not a one size fits all! Some of us are living in the wrong era! Clearly. So, for my first time on Tinder, I’ll give this experiment an: F.