I completed a 2-week Crohn’s Friendly Detox a couple of weeks back and it dawned on me how fucking hard it was to stick to a detox… Those adverts showing a skinny-bitch praising her new-found empty bowel with the caption: “I have never had more energy!” The image is off Shutterstock and the copy is anything but a testimonial.
Now I’m not referring to a juice-cleanse – different piece of pie. I’m talking about eating clean for two weeks to clear out your system, the natural way. Your digestive system doesn’t go on a break; your engine just gets clean oil for a change.
As always, these are based on my own experience and my own opinions… blah blah protecting my ass blah…
How to stick to a detox:
- Remove ANY cheat items from your house. Those people who keep their cheat meals above their fridge for when they finish are admirable, really. Now fuck off. If I see a chocolate in my house – I’ll eat. If I don’t eat it – I’ll cry and feel physical pain because I can’t eat it.
- Sugar Cold Turkey passes… Expect headaches, fatigue and a mood fit for Kanye. Stick it out – a couple of days and you will feel better. LIES. I still want sugar – even without the headaches.
- Pick a new hobby. The same week you begin the detox, start something you have been meaning to get stuck into. It needs to take up a large chunk of mind-power and free time.
- Exercise. Yoga pretty much saved my life. Not only did it calm my shakes from my new sugar-less life, there are specific poses for the sole purpose of detoxing the body. For those interested, I followed this sequence every damn day.
- Drink WATER. Prepare to pee a kak-load. IT’S WORTH IT. It helps with the headaches and flushes out the body without those ‘digestive aiding’ teas.
- Do it with a friend. A friend in need, is a friend indeed – but a friend equally miserable is better!!
- Pick the right time. Don’t start a detox when you know there are several events over the two-week period, don’t make it harder on yourself than it needs to be!
- REMEMBER WHY YOU STARTED!
GET CLEAN GUYS!