Social Media Trolls

Social Media Trolls… explained.

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this, but I’m in marketing and my background is predominantly in the online realm. Spoiler, my knowledge extends beyond Social Media Management – but I’d like to pick a platform or two to complain about their users.

South Africa is a few years behind in terms of online bullying – I got no problems with that, but those years are behind us. We now have a bunch of ‘intellects’ that ‘contribute’ to society by sharing their ‘intellectual’ views and observations. How on earth did we manage before? I’m not going to screen grab and smudge out the names of these ‘contributors’ – I’m going to bring them together and create 4 personas that we all hate. I’ll even give them names, and to be extra fair – I’ll equal out the sexes.

BTW, I’m not being one of those bloggers who rant about assholes – and they’re the king of assholes. This is about as trolling as I get… and it was about selfie sticks.

Am I doing this right? #turnt

Am I doing this right? #turnt

Tom ‘The Politician” Twatballs

Tom likes to read newspapers on a Sunday and watch The Daily Show. He believes no political post made by a fellow Facebooker can exist without his input. Tom must use the thesaurus to accomplish his goals; he cannot be speaking in the peasant vernacular. More often than not, Tom has a comb-over and his suit is too tight. He was the kid at school that nobody liked, and has succeeded in continuing carrying this over to his adult years.

Harry “I’m having the last word” Knob

 Harry enjoys looking at his reflection and getting his legs waxed. He’s the brand ambassador for Veet and likes girls with the personality of a boiled egg. Harry believes that the longer the answer – the more convincing his argument becomes. I believe the term Harry would use to describe himself is “I will out argue you by simply never EVER backing down from a ‘comment smackdown’ – even if it means repeating myself instead of having a sufficient argument.”

Sofia “The Religious Sharer” Annoyance

Sofia enjoys slaying all other religions without a second thought. She believes that constantly shoving her good deeds in your face will help convert the masses. She believes that #soblessed should trend and that no other religion may exist. In her spare time, she enjoys commenting hateful things on other religious and gay-rights pages. She believes that no “I’m blessed and I’m not afraid to share this post” should go unshared.

Jane “The Controversial Loudmouth” Brat

 Jane believes that the way to get popular is by posting photos that have a girl’s hand in her pants with the caption “current mood”. She posts suggestive selfies and definitely owns a pair of neon Nikes. On the weekends you will find her scouring Pinterest for photos that she can pass off as her own. The troll-factor in her ranges from “troubled statuses about obvious people” to “know who your true friends are”. This classifies as a form of trolling, but in the form of a ball-less bitch.

Send me your greatest Social Media Troll experiences via Snappies:


So yeah, that’s that. I had way too much fun writing this. Say whatsup on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter – but only if you’re not a troll. Reformed trolls will be submitted for review.

Kind Regards,
The Happiest Fucker on Social Media
AKA – Tam x


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