Annoying People on Planes
Yeah yeah yeah this is going be a rant of note! Annoying people on planes… sigh. My post on what not to wear on a plane did SO well and still gets read a lot one year later. That’s because people can relate to annoying people. I feel that because I’m a considerate flyer, others should be too. We’re stuck in this tiny box in the sky, uncomfortable as fuck and dying to run off the plane as soon as it lands. I understand your frustration good people, but that doesn’t mean I have the right to act like a complete idiot and take notes, you shouldn’t be an idiot either! After having been on 15 flights in the last 55 days, it was time to write this post.
Without further irritation and grey hairs…
Here are the most annoying people on planes:
- The ‘rebel’: When the flight attendant asks you to switch off your phone and you totes pretend and then continue to message your imaginary boyfriend on Tinder the moment she walks on – doesn’t make you a rebel, it makes you stupid. Just in case you were wondering, the reason you should turn off electronic devices is so the cockpit can communicate with the outside fucking world. We crash it’s on your hands – he’s probably not going to message you back anyway. And don’t get me started on the e-cigarettes.
- The family that has to sit together: This whole ordeal can never be done smoothly and 9 out of 10 times your teenage son actually wants to be as far away from you as possible. Screaming across the seats asking ‘Little Johnny’ to come sit by mummy is just asking to be slapped.
- The hungover twat: I honestly don’t care if you partied with Rihanna, have a fucking shower and a mint.
- The mother that won’t look after her child: I’ve travelled with numerous kids and I know it’s tough to keep them quiet and asleep. That being said, when a baby is howling for hours and the mom has her earphones in watching The Bachelor as her child confirms my decision never to have kids, it just pushes me over the edge.
- The person who kicks the chair in front of them: I don’t need to elaborate – fuck you.
- The drunk person: Free wine doesn’t mean you need to sob about your ex-husband to the flight attendant – or me for that matter.
- The person who snuck a big bag as a carry-on: Admit you’re a sneaky cheap bitch and be done with it. Let them check it in.
- The person who never has their passport ready: “please have your passport ready” is not a difficult concept, you’re a pain in the ass.
- The person who argues about taking their shoes off: Do you really think we give a shit if you have a hole in your sock or about the shit-storm you’re trying to kick off? Get a pedicure and have a spoonful of cement.
- The person with a list of dietary requirements that no one can meet: Upgrade to first class or starve. Your choice.
- The people who elbow you out the way when getting off the plane: We all want to get off, have a Xanax.
- The guy who automatically thinks the armrest is theirs: This is a fucking democracy, dude.
Guys, please send me any others you can think of – I was pissing myself laughing writing this post. As always, this is for a laugh and does not come from a place of malice, I’m always spreading the good vibes 🙂