choose-yourself

How to choose yourself without the guilt

That title completely wrote itself without a moment’s hesitation. I’m sitting in front of my laptop without a massive ‘To-Do List’ for the first time in… years. The list is still there and it could quite easily full up my day but it’s not as demanding as it once was. There is little urgency to the point where patience is taking the front seat and that actually gives me more anxiety than a pile of deadlines.

What was I to write about now that I finally have the time to write?

Do I remember how to communicate honestly with a touch of humor?

We shall see.

Why I chose myself

Once you turn 30, there are a ton of questions that get thrown at you. Most are from women who push their own insecurities in your face in the hopes that you share them as well. The most common are:

“When are you thinking of settling down?”

“Aren’t you too old to start {insert most things}?”

“Aren’t you getting a bit old to be picky?”

“The clock is ticking!”

I know (now) that these questions have almost nothing to do with me and everything to do with the person saying them. Ladies, get woke and realize this shit. Saying it out loud if you have to, “It has nothing to do with me and everything to do with them!” I’ve made things easier and created a list of definitions to help you:

choose-yourself

“When are you thinking of settling down?” – This means that they’ve probably settled down and are miserable or uncertain of their decision. They want to make it seem like settling down is the only option because they chose that option. People don’t want to go things alone or seem like they’re not part of some societal group. This is because they don’t have the courage to do it. By alienating you into feeling out the group it secures their spot in the ‘correct’ group.

“Aren’t you too old to start {insert most things}?” – This means that this person desperately wants to start something themselves but can’t find the strength of character to go out and do it. So, they will belittle others instead to put them off their path to make sure their own insecurities are never brought to the surface. People rarely want others to succeed in something they so desperately want to succeed in but know they never will. It’s called envy. Jealousy. Being an asshole.

“Aren’t you getting a bit old to be picky?” – This means that this person has settled instead of finding their perfect mate or they are in the process of lowering their standards. Do you boo but leave me out of it.

“The clock is ticking!” – This means that they have a ball of anxiety in their stomachs over the fact that their time is running out. They feel this anxiety so they want others to feel it too. People rarely want to suffer alone and feel incredibly envious when someone the same age doesn’t suffer from the same anxieties they do. Instead of being inspired they will seek to dismantle the confidence the other person exudes. It’s called envy. Jealousy. Being an asshole.

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Thanks for the definitions – does this have a point?

Why yes, it does. I began to realize that the people (often closest to you) that you encounter don’t want the best for you because they can’t get past their own insecurities. They’re not even processing what you’re saying because they’re just so focused on their own insecurities and making sure they’re never discovered.

With this discovery, I realized I couldn’t rely on the opinions or advice from other people and I needed to rely on a more reliable source – myself. I started asking myself the questions I was being asked and felt incredibly empowered when I could answer them honestly.

Question: “When are you thinking of settling down?”

My Answer: “I’m already settled. I know myself. I’m financially stable. I have everything I need. It may not match the normal conventional ‘settling down’ but do I actually want that? No, I don’t.”

Question: “Aren’t you too old to start {insert most things}?”

My Answer: “No, I’m not. I absolutely love starting something new. It makes me feel alive. Why would I be put off starting something new when it is what drives me? Why would I let age even factor into it? Does it factor into starting something new? No, it really doesn’t.”

Question: “Aren’t you getting too old to be picky?”

My Answer: “I don’t get why we’re expected to ever NOT be picky? Why would you settle at any age? For what? Security? Loneliness? I can assure you more misery ensues from being with someone you want nothing to do with. Loving your own damn self allows you to feel like being in a permanent relationship (and for the last two years I’ve truly felt this way) and finding a perfect partner is just an extra cherry on an already delicious cake.”

Question: “The clock is ticking!”

My Answer: “I don’t hear any clock? Where is this clock you speak of? I’m assuming it’s sitting in a boardroom above a desk of old white men making decisions for the rest of us.”

choose-yourself

How can I stop listening to others and choose myself?

You need to realize that only you know how you truly feel and what you really want. People will know a version of yourself but never your complete self. When you don’t consolidate with yourself you’re missing out on such an important source of guidance. Solely listening to others starts to construct a map that you will struggle to navigate because you weren’t the architect of your own plan. Choose yourself because you know yourself and what you need to flourish in your own plan.

I started writing this at 1:22 pm and it is now 1:45 pm. Now that’s what I call a brain fart!

Love from,

Lamb xx

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